lobo92345

Lauren

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Expectations by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Expectations

It hurts to want, to whine and ache and cry for the gift I'll never be graced with. Sleep in your arms, breath on my face as you rest, blissfully unaware of the pain surging through the way I'm bitter, jealous, better off without you. And redundancy scratches at my vocal cords. I do my best to keep my level head, and swallow back disappointment. An evening asleep in your arms, you breathe softly, breaking down my walls with visions of your weary limbs, as our arms, maybe just fingers entwine in empathy. Finally let me in, finally get close; Trust me. Let me salve the wounds she scathed you with. You deserve better. I c

Please Remember I'm Sorry by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Please Remember I'm Sorry

Days like these, sifting through coffee grinds, hallmark cards, and a few too many measures of all the wrong songs, I've realized I'm hiding. Afraid of all the doubts going bump in the night in time with the shadows cast out by all the city lights. Trying to ignore all the monsters hiding in my closet, shutting out the truth because the horror is in the reality that it's been crashing down for years now. Waiting for everyone to forget or run, turning my sights away from all the cold terrors of the world, as if they'll somehow overlook me as I shun away from the real problems. Photo albums reflecting the reality that hasn

Copper by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Copper

The skin on my lips has become thin and ragged, a harsh result of bitter winters and a manifestation of my uncertainty. Vessels near the surface erupt from the cracks that are quickly becoming too unsightly for my liking when there are strangers looking my way. A swipe of the tongue does nothing to ease the parched sensation that's taken hold of me this winter, just floods my senses with a copper reminder that I'm still alive. All the lip balms in the world couldn't smooth me over on weeks like this. I just hope I'm not too cracked around the edges for everyone else.

Next by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Transparent like the apartment windows that shine outside my room similar to the stars the city light whites out. Each lie, admission, and scar holds a truth deep beneath the meaning of the words themselves. Each word I leave here is tracing breadcrumbs to all the things I'd love to admit, all the secrets I can't quite own up to. It keeps me guessing which one is next for everyone to figure out. My own style and rhymes can't hold back the fact that I'm just like everyone else, alone and scared to stay that way. Scared only when the truth creeps up and slaps me in the face and there is no one there to comfort me in

Unplanned by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Unplanned

We must be doing college wrong, if we find late night gaming on a tuesday appealing. Staying up because sleep won't come, and spending those hours alone isn't worth the stress. Instead we make forts on the floor, watching films of humorous horror to avoid the things we're really afraid of. It's recreating home miles away from my favorite mitten. It's almost the same as having those trusted faces laughing as we try to be the last youth standing. These unplanned evenings have had more in store than anything I would have predicted In this city I catch myself feeling friendly after all.

Missed by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Missed

Reflect on photos of the parties you've never been to. Make up memories of all the moments you weren't allowed to live firsthand. Former loves you only ever got to imagine, because holding that person close was far beyond your ability to say please. Stop to think that things are changing, you're growing up, and we're about to learn that self-restraint isn't always an act of self-preservation. All the things you've thought about take stock in again, because perspective change as often as all those outfits you couldn't bother to wear again, citing the infraction that they just didn't fit who you were back then. Who y

Ashes by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Ashes

Outside there's smokestacks, and scarred remnants of an industrial age, scabbed over and healing in an era of environmental concerns. Winter in the midwest feels colder somehow, when we're alone. Blood pumping through veins like jello as we try to work up the nerve to ask for things we don't have words for. Down the way on Roosevelt, there's a memorial to the iron age, with toxins spilling from the chimneys, and as the snow falls, I think of ashes, and all our dreams are burning with this city's anonymity. These thoughts are morbid, yet comforting, to think of the worst is to prepare for the unlikely, and it's probable

Play Nice by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Play Nice

Trying to act normal and well adjusted. Wave, smile, say the proper hello's and farewells, with my own awkward twists thrown in for flavor. Forgot it's never enough for some, and that illusion of being liked is just a mask of civility, and maybe they want nothing to do with me. Tweets, texts, and honorable mentions flying across the bandwidth, not a scrap thrown my way. Thought this was wrapped up last fall, and the insecurities were pushed aside. Never enough time in the day to play nice and feel accepted by the "friends" that won't matter come the middle of May.

Hazardous by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Hazardous

Stepping haphazardly, choosing my words as if nothing can stop me now. Your bad news is my pick-up of the year, and I've got that glimmer of misguided hope clouding my vision repeatedly. The smile on my face was placed there by your bad luck. Knowing that what didn't work out leaves me room to worm in, means that your mishap is my opportunity knocking. I'm usually so tactful, so manipulative to a tee, however I've come to see that careful planning has never really worked out for me. So I'm throwing caution to the wind, and collecting payment for all those restless nights.

Winter by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Winter

Street full of strangers with tear soaked faces, it's just that time of year again. The bitter winter wind whips back all the barriers and rips the harshness from us. It freezes us to the bone, makes us stronger for our suffering, and acts as another painful reminder that life isn't always fair. Then the snow begins to fall, light white reminders that the little things add up, and no one is quite the same. Our midwest sensibilities tell us to troop on, appreciate the sun when it forces a way between the cloudy days, and warm up with loved ones until the thaw of spring comes through to take us through rain and change. St

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Expectations by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Expectations

Please Remember I'm Sorry by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Please Remember I'm Sorry

Copper by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Copper

Next by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Unplanned by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Unplanned

Missed by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Missed

Ashes by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Ashes

Play Nice by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Play Nice

Hazardous by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Hazardous

Winter by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Winter

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Is she still on his Mind? by SousaXD, literature

Literature

Is she still on his Mind?

Before we were "we", I helped him with her. She put him down with every word. But he still was loyal, and made sure she was okay. Even when she pushed him away. Now he is mine, and I, his. But she comes up more than I want. He still worries if she thinks poorly of him. What bothers me even more is she has our "expiration date" set. "They won't last 5 months", she says. These complicated feelings are making my stomach turn, Somewhat like the effects of a hurricane. All of her silent attacks and the worries he won't admit to. They cause my securities and confidence sway like the trees of New Orleans. On the stage, I have been assig

High Crimes by FreezeMyBrain, literature

Literature

High Crimes

Last week I bit my cheek It hurt for days I spit, blood and spit and flesh I try to impress, everyone; Even people I hate. I just want to be loved; I have nothing to offer in return. I pick at my fingers until they bleed. I pick at the scabs deliriously; I keep thinking pain will wake me up. I drive too fast, Or I drive too slow; When I am alone I roll down the windows; I want to freeze, I want to be cold. I make so many mistakes, That my mistakes start to make me. I lie to everyone I see, I couldn't care less whether they believe. I'll never let any of them in anyways. I'm not so coordinated but I am very strong, I lift

Blinded by 5hort3, literature

Deviation Spotlight

Uncertainties by lobo92345, literature

Literature

Uncertainties

For once, I find myself lost for words. I see the glaring omissions in the lies I've been holding just behind my tongue. And I can't admit the things I won't realize myself. And I'm far too afraid to commit to this idea. And leaning away from one sin, to devour another whole, I find myself lost for the lines I need to say to convince myself I'm making the right decision this time around. Learning not to be so proud, and getting up when I fall down I'm seeing everything anew and finally I'm giving up on you. You'll always be a part of me, but I'm pushing it down where you won't see. because for once, I'm losing myself i

Uncertainties

lobo92345

About lobo92345

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Artist // Literature

May 23
United States
Deviant for 14 years
She / Her

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My Bio

Not much to tell. I'm a total dork, I love my friends, and I'm a total music junkie. Give me any song, album, or artist and I'll listen to it at least once. I write for fun and as a way to sort out my thoughts.

Favourite genre of music: Rock
Operating System: Mac
MP3 player of choice: iPod

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Green Day, The Smiths

Favourite Writers

Chuck Klosterman, David Sedaris, Augusten Burroghs

Favourite Games

The one you just lost.

Favourite Gaming Platform

xbox360

Other Interests

Music, Reading, People

Posts

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lobo92345

May 17, 2011

Woaaaahhhh. Due for an update...

0 min read

In honor of me moving home for the summer, I'll be posting more of this year's poetry to dA again. I've written a lot and been posting most of it on my Tumblr, but I'll pick and choose some of my favorites and put them here. In a stark contrast to my last entry... My sister is doing worlds better! She went through 4 months of successful and challenging treatment for the Anorexia, and she's moving back home as of May 26th. Three days after my birthday. Awesome present if you ask me. As for dad, well... there's not much that can be done for his situation, other than spending all of the time I possibly can with him while he still realizes who

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lobo92345

Jan 9, 2011

I'm a Wreck

0 min read

Hey all. I'm a wreck and I'm posting this here because dA is the only place that none of my family is following me on, an edited version may crop up on Tumblr tonight as well, but the bulk of it is going here. I'm terrified. Terrified of losing both my sister and my father. They're both disappearing in front of me. Both are losing their minds. I'm seeing them die right in front of me. I'm powerless to stop it. I'm angry at my sister, furious that she won't help herself. Mad that I can't be like other little sisters and tease and poke fun because anything I say could cause her to eat even less. I can't be myself because that could kill her.

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lobo92345

Nov 1, 2010

NaNoWriMo!?!?!?

0 min read

~CSIDragon (https://www.deviantart.com/csidragon) Made me! Working Title: None so far. Genre: Satire/Young-Adult/Humor Projected Word Count: 50,000 or more. Ideally. AT THE START: DO YOU: Have an outline? Not at all. Making it tonight. Scene-by-scene? Bahahahaha. God no. I have nothing. Know how it starts? Got that much. Know how it ends? No clue where it's going. Have your climax in order? Nope. Know your main characters yet? Christy and Alan seem to have come out of nowhere, I think they'll be my main two. We'll see. Have a particular tone in mind? HUMOR! LOTS OF WEIRD CONVERSATIONS! Plan to draw on your own experiences? Haha yes. Lots. IS